Thursday, 25 December 2008

Friday, 19 December 2008

Year 2008, Goodbye


This year is soon done. This autumn is soon over. This autumn, one of the hardest in my life, I’m happy to throw away.
I’d jump with joy when getting rid of this year, but I seem to have very little strength left. And all the power that still remains, I’ll save for the one who needs it more than I do.
I’d jump with joy, if I’d believe that the New Year brings light and hope. I’m not sure of that, and I just stay still. That is enough.
I wish you all a peaceful Christmas.

Thursday, 11 December 2008

The Swans




Do you remember the swans?

How they flew over us when we slept on the grass?

Do you remember the softness of the green,

the fierce rumble of the wings? Do you recall

the blue of the sky sheltering us?

 

Can you still remember?

 

Or am I alone? Without you,

without the swans of freedom?


****

The weekly theme for Thursday Challenge is three



Thursday, 27 November 2008

Sunday, 23 November 2008

I Walk The Line




This picture
is a part
of the project

thin lines was the theme



Wednesday, 19 November 2008

I've been dedicated a video!

I’ve been having the flu for almost two weeks, but finally I got antibiotics for sinusitis, so maybe I’ll be back on the Net in a few days.

Meanwhile, my fellow blogger, Azer Mantessa from Malaysia, has made a video dedicated for me! Oh, this pleases my aching head very much. Thank you, Azer. You've captured my Finnish melancholy well, but not forgetting the persistent hint of hope that also exists in us Finns.




You can watch Azer’s other videos here.



Thursday, 13 November 2008

Sunday, 9 November 2008

How to Survive November

I’ve been away from the Net for a few days, mainly trying to survive November. So far I’m succeeding, though it’s hard.
November is a cruel month. Darkness, gloominess and misery, yes these are my middle names for the moment
A Finnish co-blogger, Lepis, has created a category “how to survive November”. Every day we are inspired and challenged to fight against the moodiness of this season. Lepis has made us think about points and lines, colours and sounds, and we’ve done our best to create something to make us forget these shadows hanging around us.
I’ve made a video about points meeting lines. 





Thursday, 30 October 2008

Sunday, 26 October 2008

Almost November


I’ve been reading a lot lately, written less. Yesterday I went to the Helsinki Book Fair, didn’t buy any books but met some friends and had a few drinks.

Nice.

I have enough books.




I’ve been doing some new videos, mostly in Finnish. They are here.

Less writing, more photos.

It’s raining and blowing too much. It’s dark. It’s almost November, the gloomiest month of the year, but I’ll survive.



Thursday, 23 October 2008

Hands




The weekly theme
for
is
Hands



Monday, 20 October 2008

Gee Baby, Ain't I Good to You



The weekly theme for
Moody Monday
is

Am I good or I am good...




Thursday, 16 October 2008

Friday, 10 October 2008

Sunday, 5 October 2008

Forward



The weekly challenge
for the Finnish
is
forward,
eteenpäin


Thursday, 2 October 2008

Tiny



Tiny,

little,

small.

Aren’t we all?


****

The weekly theme for Thursday Challenge is tiny



Friday, 26 September 2008

Rebirth



She had always been alone. Growing up with her parents didn’t make her less lonely. Her parents didn’t seem to notice her; they strolled along here and there, partying, working, and travelling. On Christmas Eve they gave her presents and for her birthdays she got a load of parcels wrapped by good smelling and elegant shop assistants.

They were her parents, they cared for her, but they didn’t need her.

In school it was the same. Other pupils didn’t tease her, she was left alone. She was invisible for others. Teachers were amazed when they returned her exams, they looked at her wondering if she was a new pupil or had they seen her before.

She had no friends to be with after school, so she returned to her empty home, took a book and started to read till it was time to go to bed. If she got hungry, she went silently to the kitchen, opened the fridge and ate what she found. This didn’t happen often, because she didn’t know what hunger was. She had no needs, no desires.

After graduating she moved to her own flat and got a job. Living on her own didn’t make her visible, and her life went on the same way it had used to go. She seemed to melt into shadows.

Her parents died, but she didn’t miss them. She didn’t long for their presents, brightly wrapped parcels. She sold their house, her childhood home, but kept the books that had belonged to them.

She grew old, and one day she died. She was found, when neighbours complained about the smell coming from her flat. She lay in her bed, still holding a book in her hands. It was a book about rebirth. She had always been peculiar, the neighbours told to the police. No wonder, reading such books.


Thursday, 18 September 2008

Plants



The weekly theme for
is
plants


Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Doing Is Enough




My plan to write and blog less has succeeded quite well, and I’ve found time to play as I planned earlier. I’ve also had time to read and do some singing, since the singing lessons started once again with the fall.

It’s been enjoyable to play the piano, not necessarily for the ears but to the mind. It’s pacifying to run fingers through scales, hit a note, and find a melody. They are all there: the notes. You don’t have to invent any.
Same as in writing: all the words already exist; you just have to put them in some kind of order. Or disorder. It’s up to you, and that’s the enchanting part of creating.
You’re able to do everything.
At least you can try. Attempt can also be satisfying, and you may notice that in the end the result means less. You don’t have to achieve to be content.

Doing is enough.

Friday, 12 September 2008

The Smile of the Sun

The sun reappeared after some days of rain. No, it has been pouring. Day and night, but yesterday the sun decided to take a look at us.
She’s still smiling. She looks approvingly at the leaves, bitten my frost during the night. Bites have been strong, the leaves have bled.
It’s burgundy, cherry, all kinds of red everywhere, and where the icy teeth of the winter-to-be haven’t bitten; there are spots of orange, yellow and green still to be seen.

The sun continues to beam. It’s going to be a cold night, the prologue of an everlasting season.
The sun knows it’s her time to take a nap, to sleep for some months.
No wonder she is grinning.

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Friday, 5 September 2008

Monday, 1 September 2008

More time



I wish I had more time. More hours in a day. There’s so much I’d like to do, so little time. I have to work, I love to sleep –these two require a lot of my time.


I used to play the piano a lot when I was younger, but nowadays it’s a rare thing for me to do. My time is spent –besides work, everyday life and sleep- in writing, taking pictures, reading and socializing. Some blogging, too. One day I sat by the piano and started to play, and I remembered the joy playing used to bring to me.

Well, to hear the tunes I managed to get out of the piano was not a joy; my fingers are stiff, my skills rusty, but nevertheless, I had a sensation similar to the one a long time ago.

Joy.

I grabbed also the guitar in my enthusiasm, the 12-string. Oh no. Far too difficult, so I took the six-string beauty in my lap and tried to lure some blues out of her.


It was quite awful, and now my fingertips are sore.


I must practise. I really have to. Maybe it means less writing, less picture making. Less blogging.


I believe it’s worth it.



Saturday, 30 August 2008

Sunday, 24 August 2008

So Easy




I’m afraid of the shadows,

the oily, black darkness

calling me,

Enchanting warm safety,

telling me to come along

like always

every fall

each autumn.


Welcome to the pitch of hell.


So familiar

to sink into the nothingness of everything.

To lull in the dullness,

the monotony of life.


So easy, so easy.

No wonder I’m afraid, I’ve seen this before,

I’ve been here before.

Yes. Just here.





Tuesday, 19 August 2008

The Defeat




It’s been raining for days. Maybe for weeks.

A lot.

But it’s warm. Not sunny, not hot. Lukewarm humidity lingers like a soft carpet in the air. Dampness makes the air grey and thick, breathing has been difficult for days.

Or maybe it’s sorrow that makes my breaths painful and throbbing. The sadness of losing summer. Once again.

I’ll never get used to this defeat.




Friday, 15 August 2008

Falling



Come along and I'll show you.



Do you want to know how it feels to fall...fall...fall...


Thursday, 14 August 2008

Outdoors



The weekly theme
for
Thursday Challenge
is
Outdoors


(that must mean outside the net...)


Monday, 11 August 2008

Friday, 8 August 2008

Wednesday, 6 August 2008

Blue


My photo for
the weekly theme
at
Thursday Challenge
is
here.




Monday, 4 August 2008

No sense and nonsense


I’d like to write something in English, but I don’t know what I should write. I have nothing to say.

Well, tell me something new.


I’ve been reading a lot lately. It has been enjoyable, just to read others texts, not having to make up my own.

Great. I should do that more often. Reading that is.


Yes, a little bit bored with my own words. That is why I prefer to post photos. Like this. It’s the cover for my collection of short stories I published last week.

I believe the cover is better than the short stories.


Well, anyhow, now I’ve written in English, my desire has been fulfilled and I can stop and move to something else.

I think I’ll read a book.






Sunday, 3 August 2008

Think twice


Do you want me to be your wife, to be loved and worshipped by you, to be cared for, to be wanted and needed by you, to be desired by you?

Do you want me to be your friend; do you want me to listen to you, to comfort you in despair, to drive away the demons of your mind, the shadows of your nights, the phantoms of your days?

Do you want me to be the mother of your children, do you want me to carry the fruit of your semen for months to come and go into labour to make you father?

If you answer you do, remember: it’s a promise, an oath never to be broken, never to be forgotten.

Think twice.




Thursday, 31 July 2008

The Sky




See the sky?

The black and purple sky?

The sky with orange clouds?

Don’t reach for the sky

if you want to die.


Go, honey, go!


See the sea?

There’s no sky.

Only the sea.


No, Jesse, no.


Only the sea for you.



***


The weekly theme for

Thursday Challenge

is sky




Monday, 28 July 2008

Animecon 2008 in Tampere

I’m back, at least for a few days.

Maybe.

The weekend in Tampere was colourful, sunny and lively. Look at yourself!






Saturday, 26 July 2008

Friday, 25 July 2008

Thursday, 24 July 2008

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

On the Move

Summer is to be on the move, and while I have been home, I’ve been rewriting some of my old short stories, that have been published in Finnish women’s magazines in the 90’s. My intention is to self publish a collection of these short stories. Why? Because it’s fun. Not to rewrite old stories, that can be a bore, but to publish.

In my Finnish main blog I’ve told about this project, and I asked the readers to come up with a name for the collection, and I’ve got plenty of good titles. I have also been making some cover designs for the collection and I shall set up a vote for the cover I shall use in my collection.

Blogging is interactive indeed.

Because of the rewriting, I haven’t had so much time to post in my blogs. Hey, I do have eight blogs….but, autumn is coming, and there will be those long, dark days and the time to post more again.

Tomorrow I’ll leave for Stockholm for a few days. Meanwhile, here is a photo story I made after staying in the countryside. I’ve published it in my Finnish photo blog and in my Swedish blog, so if it’s familiar to you, that is why.

See you.


Saturday, 12 July 2008

In My Sorrow



In my sorrow
I dress up in purple,
put a green ribbon in my hair,
wear a pink coloured smile on my lips.

I let the orange light of the sun
shine on me,
the red warmth cuddles me,
listen to the golden rays sing me a lullaby.

Pure blue in my eyes, silvery tears glistening,
northern lights of my heart.

Colours I have.
Strength will I gain.

Together we will beat the sorrow.


Thursday, 10 July 2008

To Her

Well, I am back after a week of an internet less world. It was calming.
When coming home yesterday, I checked my e-mail and found a message telling me that a fellow blogger had died the day before.
Kati was a magnificent artist. She was creative and courageous: she wrote, made videos, took photos, and sung with her strong voice. She was the one I got the encouragement to dare to sing on a video.
She gave me inspiration in so many ways, and although we never met in real, the years we were in contact here in blogosphere, made me feel I had found a person I could call a friend.
Kati had left a comment in my Finnish main blog during my absence, a poem response to a poem I had written. That poem of hers inspired me to make a video, a tribute to an artist, to the memory of Kati.
The English translation of the poem appears at the end of the video.
Kati suffered from bipolar disorder. She was very tired, and now she has found peace.


Kati on Youtube

Wednesday, 2 July 2008

The Medieval Market in Turku 2008





****

A short stay for me at home, I'm on my way again, see you some day.

Friday, 27 June 2008

See you...



I’ve started my holidays, six weeks of leisure and sunshine. At least leisure. I do live in Finland, you know.

I’ll be going to Turku for a few days. Hope to catch there some leisure and sunshine.
At least leisure.

See you.

Thursday, 26 June 2008

Sunday, 22 June 2008

Friday, 20 June 2008

Legs



Hanging low
way deep inside the ground
creeping along streets
lousy, lousy feeling.
Hangover Square
unbelievable,
I must be dreaming,
the neon signs showed her legs
and I felt I could
hang myself and die
just die in between those
shining, oh, moaning,
yes, yes,
her gorgeous legs.
Silk stockings so sharp around my neck.

She’ll kill me for nothing.



Thursday, 19 June 2008

Patterned




drip drip
pour and pour
sink
sink
sink

in the rain

remember to sing while you sink

***

The weekly theme for
Thursday Challenge
is
patterned


Monday, 16 June 2008

The One and Only


You either love him



or you hate him.



I adore him.



Screamin' Jay Hawkins


Sunday, 15 June 2008

The Kick



Oh, his love was so strong,
mighty and great,
and how he liked to show it.

I’ll kick the shit out of you
he murmured, groaned in ecstacy,

showing his power,
throwing it all around her.

Kicking gave him a kick.



Friday, 13 June 2008

Wishes, hopes and dreams come true

Katili challenged me to list six of my dreams, my wishes and hopes. It sounds easy, to know what you yearn, but when I started to write down my list, I found that it wasn’t as simple as I had thought.
It’s not that I wouldn’t know what I want. I just don’t know, if I would be disappointed if the wishes didn’t come true. And if so, are those things wishes at all?
Maybe I’m only a realistic. I know there are things I can wish for, I know there are things I can do to make my dreams come true, and I know there are things that just won’t succeed in this life, things I just have to live with, cope and make the best with them.
I could wish my back wouldn’t trouble me any more, but at the same time I know the facts of my backbone. To lessen the pain I can’t only dream; I have to exercise and stretch my muscles constantly. The condition of my back is up to me.
I could wish that depression wouldn’t come sneaking upon me. I most surely don’t want to sink into that black hole again and to hinder that, I must try to listen to myself, to be aware of myself. I know the symptoms, oh yes, I know them more than well, so I must be quicker than depression. It’s up to me to fight against it, and never let go.
I could wish that the joy in creating would in the future still be a joy, the mere amaze of writing, taking photos and painting would still have magic, but I also know that there are always times when it’s better to stop everything. I can’t be creative all the time and only pour out what’s in me. I have to fill me up with new things and that requires times of doing nothing.
It’s up to me to tolerate the times of less imagination.
I could wish to publish a book. Well, I already did that, and maybe sometime, I’ll publish another one, all by myself, just like I want it to be. My own publisher. I like it, because the recognition of me is more important than the recognition of others. It’s up to me to like and appreciate the things I do.
I could wish for more or less, but I believe my wishes aren’t that important. It’s more important what I do. Maybe I’m dull, but this is me and I just have to live with myself.
To other people, my wishes are: all the best. Nothing more exact. Only the best you can do.
****

How about your dreams? Catch the challenge and write about your wishes. Yes, just you.

Thursday, 12 June 2008

Brighter




They had been waiting for hours, waiting for the rain to stop. The hotel room felt damp and miserable, outside it was no better. The unpaved streets of the little town had turned into a swamp of mud, big puddles speckled the empty street corners.

There was nothing more to say. All had already been shouted in the air during the long days and nights of their pitiful visit, their sad attempt to remake their relationship by taking a vacation. They felt empty inside, fatigue and bored. There was no more need for hatred and even bitterness felt a waste of strength.

The need to make the other understand had lost its meaning. The desperate urge to justify the decisions they had been making, seemed now pathetic and ludicrous.

They just wanted the rain to stop. They fantasized about leaving the hotel room, stepping outside, going separate ways, never looking back.

If it only would get brighter.


***

The weekly theme for Thursday Challenge is bright


Monday, 9 June 2008

Dreamer

She’s a beautiful dreamer,
dreaming of her own private world,
in her own secret world,
dreaming her own faraway dreams,
shared by no one.
Beautiful dreamer,
smiling in her dreams,
so softly.
Look at her
and see the dream.

Just look at her
and be for a moment
a part of her world.
Look, but don’t touch,
don’t disturb her.

She doesn’t want to be awaken
from her dreams.

Only look. In silence.
And remember to love.

Look.


Saturday, 7 June 2008

Saturday, 31 May 2008

Paleface





I'll be gone for some days. Take care.

Thursday, 29 May 2008

As common as love



She was a common girl
in common clothes,
plain face,
ordinary appearance,
doing her everyday work,
living her common life
in her common world.
A common girl.

Until the day she met the one who thought she was
nothing but common.

Common love makes you special.

***

The weekly theme for

Thursday Challenge is

common



Sunday, 25 May 2008

Gowns






I don't like shopping,
don't enjoy buying clothes.

I prefer taking photos
of clothes.

And with photos
I can manufacture clothes
exactly the way I please.



Saturday, 24 May 2008

Self


Bored with myself.
Tired.
Disgusted.
Looking at myself.
Listening to myself.
Seeing me.

It's a shame you can't run away from yourself.

I'd like to.


Thursday, 22 May 2008

Pink



The weekly theme
for Thursday Challenge is

PINK



Monday, 19 May 2008

Don't!



Don't tell me I'm crazy,
'cause it is a lie.
Don't tell me I'm lazy
if you hear me sigh.

Don't tell me to change,
to have a real life.
Don't tell me to be
a suburban wife.

I am what I am
and it's good enough for me.
I look at myself and
I like what I see.

***

with this poem I welcome
you
to visit my new
photo gallery

Do step in!


Friday, 16 May 2008

Impossibility




To know is
impossible.

All you can do is
see.


***

I've made a video about impossibility.
You can watch it here.



Thursday, 15 May 2008

Smooth shapes



Soft curves
round shapes
so tender against the fingertips
mellow and tender
a smooth kiss.

Hard as stone.


****

The weekly theme for Thursday Challenge is shapes



Monday, 12 May 2008

Up and Down




She sat on the stairs,
the stairs
going up
coming down

up and down
down and up

just like her



Wednesday, 7 May 2008

Family




Almost the same.
Never the same.

***

The weekly theme for
Thursday Challenge
is
family


Sunday, 4 May 2008

Tuesday, 29 April 2008

Celebration



Let me pour you some champagne.
The spring has come.
It's time to celebrate.
This is for you.

***

To see an animated
spring greeting,
look here.

***

I'll be gone for some days.
See you.


Sunday, 27 April 2008

Once more




I just won't get tired of this song. Have been listening to it for about ten times today.
I'm still listening.




Friday, 25 April 2008

The Outsider



It happened again.
She had been waiting for the night out with her friends. She had been enjoying the thought about long drinks, soft talks, and easy-going moments on the cosy sofa in the darkness of the bar.

It all had happened. The drinks were icy and cooled the heat of the throat. The murmur of her friends cuddled her and she found herself laughing at their witty remarks of utterly meaningless matters.

Then it happened. She felt it painfully. The feeling was familiar, felt so many times before, in so many places. So many years, always the same.

She was an outsider. She had no need to reveal herself. She had no desire to know more about them. The chitchat and the small talk made her feel dizzy and the meaningless of everything hit her hard in the face.

She left, no, she escaped, and she knew that once again they stayed on, maybe speculating a bit of her whereabouts, but finally forgetting her. That was she, they’d say. Not a social being, but pleasant enough.
In small bits. For a while.



Tuesday, 22 April 2008

The gown




Keep it simple.