Heatwave. Yesterday Finland was the warmest place in Europe. In the whole world, if I remember correctly.
Time for roses.
For those who graduate, those who find summer love, for those who water their plants in the garden.
Roses in bushes. The sweet, warm scent reminds me of childhood. It was always summer, it was always warm, it was the never ending days filled with reading, reading, escaping from this world. I loved those dark pinkish petals. So did bees. Dangerous flowers.
Helsinki. Ranked to be the best place to live in the world. I agree. I like Helsinki. It's big enough, small enough. In summertime wonderful. Winters I hate anywhere up here in the north.
Heatwave. Also in my brain, so nothing new. Depression is my middle name, anxiety the suburb I live in, emptiness my state of mind.
Depression that has been my true friend for over two years, never deserting me, always by my side, has shown signs of fading away. That feels strange. It feels good.
I haven’t felt pleasure for ages. I’ve done things, but that doing hasn’t made happy, there’s been no joy in completing a short story, finishing a painiting.
Yesterday I felt joy. I was happy. No anxiety, no panic. No wanting to escape away from the crowd that surrounded me. No hyperventilation behind the corner.
I had a sales table in a bazar where I sold my handicraft and paintings. Did I sell much? It’s not the point, the main thing is that I survived the fours hours I sat and stood behind my table. I smiled to the customers, I talked with them. And all the time I felt happiness for my ability to be among so many people.
Pride. That’s what I felt.
What happens tomorrow? Shall I turn again into a hermit? Will my heart pound in anxiety, is it hard to breathe? I don’t care. I won’t think about it. There’s no sense in worrying, which is what I’ve leraned during these two and some years. What comes, it comes.
It’s been a long time since I last made a video. That’s not surprising. It seems like a long time since I created anything.
Depression doesn’t allow me to feel any pleasure. I paint, but there isn’t any joy in doing that. I write, I look at the words. I feel nothing. I sit on the sofa with my crocheting, stare at the TV for hours with busy hands.
It feels all the same.
Well, anyway. I made a primitive animation. See you.
This winter has already lasted for four months.
This winter Helsinki has been the snowiest place in Finland for weeks.
This winter the temperature sank to -29 C in Helsinki and -41 C in northern of Finland.
This winter seems to go on also for the next week.
I haven’t been complaining about winter, have you noticed? Of course I have posted photos about Helsinki when it was the snowiest place in Finland.
Then came the rain and now Helsinki is the wettest place in Finland. Don’t you believe? Oh, it’s true. Finland used to be the land of thousands lakes.
Now it is the land of thousands and one lakes.
Walking in slush hig up to your knees is an experience quite soaking. Being car washed with icy mud is said to be good for your complexion, but I’m not quite sure about that. The one who said it must have been dozing on a beach, having some warm, white sand on the face, sipping occasionally cool drinks with ice, lots of ice.
Tomorrow the temperature is going down, down, and you know what that means. One has to have skates to be able to move outdoors.