Wednesday, 31 January 2007

Puzzled


It’s impossible to understand other people. At least for me it’s not possible, because the more I try to understand, the more I get confused. I’m not puzzled over other people. No, I wonder about my own reactions when dealing with other people. I realize that I don’t know myself at all.

Being a stranger to myself, how can I know anything about other people?

There are situations that take you by surprise and you look at yourself astonished and say: Well, I didn’t know I had this rage in me. Oh dear, I’m actually bitter and jealous. Where does this hate come from? Why is the thought of killing somebody suddenly very tempting?

Hey, this is me! The kind and loving person who has a wide and gentle heart and who’s got wisdom and patience and understanding. Why do I feel these things? Where do they come from?

I don’t know myself a bit. I can’t understand my reactions. Time after time, I must confess it: I thought I knew, but I don’t. I’ll never know.

That’s why I don’t even try to understand other people. I just try to cope with them.

6 comments:

REMF said...

Calm down, calm down, inhale deeply... Now that you are comfortably on the couch, let´s take a look at this... Remember, I'm here to help you.

Let's start at the beginning: did your mother breastfeed you? How did your father react to that? Did you feel guilt for making him so jealous?

SusuPetal said...

Dear, Remf, I knew I could count on you. And I'm absolutely calm, but the sofa isn't very comfortable. Do you have lice in it?

You're asking such difficult questions! I'm pretty sure that I was fed with wine from the beginning, or at least I've created a great taste for booze and wine. Could this have something to do with these feelings, what do you think?
Maybe my feelings aren't real at all? Maybe they are visions of my drunken mind?

Johanna said...

Dear Susu, knowing Me (you not me) is hardest thing to do. But I think that is the only thing that I (you) have to do (in this life). Hopely!

SusuPetal said...

That is the hardest thing to do, to know yourself, Johanna. Maybe it's the only thing to do in life, or at least to try to cope with yourself.

Salka said...

Näihin sanoihin minäkin yhdyn. Opin tiellä ollaan ja yhä raskaammaksi se ajan kuluessa vain käy...

SusuPetal said...

Totta, Salka. Juuri kun luulee oivaltaneensa jotain itsestään, tapahtuu jotain ja huomaa olevansa taas tuntemattoman edessä -omat tunteet hämmästyttävät jälleen kerran.