I tried to party last night. It was difficult. Once again.
It almost always goes the same way: I sit in a restaurant, drink some wine or beer, eat something, talk with my friends and suddenly I get the urge to run away. Go home.
I drink a little more, try to get in the mood. I look at people having fun, ordering more to drink, getting drunk and at the same time I feel myself sliding away from all the merry-going-around. I feel isolated, I feel tired, maybe even a little bored.
At this point I have two possibilities. I can either drink more and try to get on the same level with that happy-go-lucky-feeling that frenzies my friends or I can get up, say “see you” and walk away.
I walk away and while doing that I wonder what’s wrong with me, why can’t I enjoy an evening with my friends? Why don’t I get excited when people start to reveal their secrets, when they begin to yearn to tell their truest thoughts and facts about their lives, their beings, their opinions, their children, their relationships? Why don’t I get thrilled by music that leads other people to the dance floor and makes them dance like maniacs?
Is it because I’m afraid that I’ll do the same? Be something that I’d regret next morning? Or am I just tired of listening to other people? Should I really be a hermit?
Or am I just a bore?