Monday, 6 August 2007

The Realization

This summer has been marvellous. The weather could have been better, I must say, it hasn’t been as sunny as I’ve hoped for, but still, I haven’t worn socks for three months. That is something worth mentioning when living in Finland.
It is warm now, almost +25 degrees, so maybe the summer still continues for a while.

The marvel of this summer is due to the many things I’ve been doing. The usual laziness has been my main aim, but besides that I’ve written a lot and what is more exciting, I’ve been doing a lot of pictures with different methods and that is something new in me.

For first of all, I consider myself a writer, not a picture maker. Words have always been my tools to express myself, words come as natural as breathing or sleeping (when I don’t suffer from insomnia…). Words are I.

I’ve always admired artists who express themselves with skills I don’t possess. Painters, photographers, sculptors, singers, dancers, actors. Yes, it’s easy to envy them, but envy doesn’t get you very far, in fact it limits your perspective, it kills your own creativity, it’s a doomed way to bitterness.

When I realised that only doing is the way to make something, I surprisingly found things in me, I didn’t know I possessed. I found the joy of doing new things, and thus, the boundaries vanished. I had no excuse not to try new things, and excuses are ones enemy number one.

I can’t. I shouldn’t. It’s too difficult. What do I think of myself, it’s impossible.

Well, not everything is possible I must admit it. I won’t be a great singer, I believe I shall not chop a great statue with my hammer; I’m surely not to be a dancer in chorus line, but who has to be everything?

That is the relieving realization that has made this summer a good one. I don’t have to, but if I want to, I am able to(and I hope this goes with my ability in learning Swedish, too…)

I hope to drag along this realization with me when I head towards the darkness. I fear for autumn and winter.



16 comments:

Mick said...

You already know how much I enjoy your writing, Susu. At the same time, your photographs are quite wonderful too - it takes the eye of an artist to get so many wonderful images. I'm not sure what media your painting is but I love the perspective and the colors. :)

SusuPetal said...

It's a photo, Mick, you can see the original here.

Thanks, Mick.

Peter said...

I have a feeling that for you a LOT is possible; don't fear the autumn!

SusuPetal said...

I just hate darkness and coldness, and I don't find any joy in snow either, Peter. Not a typical Finn... And I worry too much, I know, I should start worrying about autumn in September, not now:)

hpy said...

You're doing very well. Sometimes I wonder where you find all the time for it, working for your daily bread as well. Well, working days may be shorter in Finland...
But I also know that when something wants to come out, you can't stop it. So I don't worry about you.

SusuPetal said...

Yes, I should stop worrying, HPY, but year by year, the dark time is getting harder for me. Every winter is a little bit gloomier than the year before, it's just a thing I can't help. I try to fight against it and I've learned about myself a lot doing it, but sometimes I just don't have the power to resist the moodiness.

Well, its' already 23 degrees out there, a nice weather to start work...

hpy said...

You can always come for a glass of wine, if you get too moody. And we could go and see Peter and take a glass of champagne with him. Have you already visited Paris? We could give you a guided tour, both of us. Well, that would be two guided tours. Get you good shoes!

SusuPetal said...

What a wonderful idea, HPY, that would be lovely. I've been to Paris for a week about 16 years ago and walked then 160 km in one week, so I am familiar with good shoes.
Maybe, who knows. Impossible seems to turn into possible sometimes.

Peter said...

Yes, please decide for a new Paris trip! We will look for the toys together! The only condition is that I will be there - together with hpy - at least - so check the dates first (I plan some travelling).

Well, it seems that you were born in the wrong country - weather wise I mean! No possibility to change?

SusuPetal said...

Yes, I've been born in the wrong place, I know. Don't worry, Peter, although HPY and I seem to be a bit hasty kind of women, I shall not pop to Paris without declaring my arrival in good time:)
May I ask, where have you planned to travel?

Peter said...

You may ask, although I have not yet made a big announcement aobut my plans: I'm booked for a trip to Peru and Bolivia leaving 27/9, back 14/10. I dreamt about that trip for some years and now I decided for it!

I have an answer for you regarding the "toys" on my blog - unfortunately not so positive.

SusuPetal said...

Oh, bon voyage when the time is due!!!!

KennethSF said...

Long, hard winters build character--but you must survive them first. I'm convinced that you have the power to illuminate any darkness with your words. After all, words can give someone an almost Godlike power.

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was you ...

SusuPetal said...

Thanks, Knneth, for you kind words. I like to believe that you are right, words will guide me through the winter.
And when spring comes, I'm usually dead tired of words, I've seen it happen.
Luckily I've found pictures too to express myself.

*Kirsi* said...

Hi Susu,
Pic looks familiar... :)

I haven't been much around lately, i hope i have more time soon...two days left here...i leave Sunday...but let's be in touch...I miss u, was so nice to meet u...:)

SusuPetal said...

Doesn't it look familiar!

Two days, vau! Thinking of you, and let's be in touch!!!