A May Day

May, and only a few days to the opening of the next exhibition. I have been busy! All the paintings are now ready, fifteen new ones, but still there’s a lot to do. Framing, screws to be twisted into wood, bending wire and hanging all the paintings to the walls of the gallery. 

Most of the time this has been fun, and for a couple of moments, pure hell. I fight against my blue moods, I try to conquer this fatigue. Exhaustion has been luring, trying to grab me, sometimes succeeding.

Summer. It’s coming and I’m going to do absolutely nothing.

(Mick, I still can’t leave comments to your blog, it’s so annoying!)

It Is March

photo manipulations from the exhibition

It is March. But where is spring? It has been -15 degrees Celsius in the mornings (5 degrees in F), we’ve had almost every day a little snow. It feels like mid-winter. 

How I have been longing for light and sun! And finally, when the sun came, my head and eyes yelled: NO! TOO MUCH LIGHT! I’ve had migraine. Never, never before. It’s unfair. As you know, my head is all the time a mess enough and now this damn headache! 

The exhibition with Johanna is over. I didn’t sell much, so my home is overwhelmed with paintings and photos. I have my work under my bed, in the closets, under the sofa, on the walls, on the shelfs of my bookcases. In a way it is cozy. And looks like a mess.

Goes with my head.

I haven’t been doing any crocheting for a few weeks. Fingers of my left hand are numb, my hand seems to sleep all the time. Luckily I’m right-handed, so I can still paint. 

More paintings to hide somewhere….

paintings from the exhibition

February

A comment in Mick's blog:

The exhibition I had with my friend in January continues through February. It has been very popular and we were asked to continue for another month. Yesterday we took the sold paintings off the walls and hanged a lot of new paintings. I brought also some paintings, the rest are photo manipulations.

Otherwise, I've been dead tired, doesn't feel so good. My head again, it’s such a mess sometimes.

Susu

My Art Exhibition

my friend Johanna

It’s done! The opening of my first ever art exhibition was last week and now I’m dead tired. Pleased, happy, also.

I had an exhibition diary in my Finnish blog, there I wrote about the misery, flow, uncertainty, despair and utter joy, all those feelings that overwhelmed me during the preparations of the exhibition. It was, and still is, quite a process!

The exhibition is called Not Yesterday. Not Tomorrow. Now.

It contains of two parts: Women of Rose Valley, sixteen paintings done with acrylics and mixed media. The other part includes ten collages and its name is Collage Crazy. I used a lot of recycled material in these collages. Also most of the frames were bought from flea markets and such places, I painted and pimped them up.

My dear friend Johanna helped me with framing and putting up the paintings. She was indispensable. She’s a real artist and you can enjoy her paintings looking here. Also all my other friends and all the commentators in my blogs helped me to make this dream of mine come true. 

The opening was a fun occasion. Almost thirty people came and what I heard, people seemed to enjoy themselves.

The exhibition is in Mellunmäki, a suburb in Helsinki, not a central place, but the gallery was free of charge. I’d never have so much money that I could rent space for my paintings. The exhibition is open 2-30.10.2012 from Monday to Friday 10-18.

I’m happy that I succeeded and had the strength for fulfill this exhibition. It was a dream for me. I know what it’s like to live without dreams, without hope, without being able to see into the future. I've had many black years. Now, the colors are different. Now.

More Portraits

please, click to view larger

For Your Eyes Only

Since some of my dear Blogger friends haven't been able to leave their comments into my WordPress-blogs, I'll post some of my photos and art here. Today is the time for portraits. Hope you enjoy.

Please click to get a larger look.

Never Never Land

I know what it's like to live in Never Never Land.
You are never happy.
You are never feeling good.

You are never safe, the demons of the your never leave you alone.

I know what it is like to live in Never Never Land.
The land never ends, not until your life does.

A New Day

Words don’t come easy. Better to toy with images. Painting endless amounts of canvases, manipulating photos.

Yesterday I looked like this.

Today is a new day.

I've Got The Right To Sing The Blues

Leaving...

...sadness, madness, depression, regression?

Maybe not.

But the old year, well, I'm leaving it.

Light, Joy and Inspiration For You All!

Who Wouldn't Feel Crazy From Time To Time?

Let's all feel a bit crazy today!

And tomorrow, too!

I'm Tired Of Living And Scared Of Dying

Too tired to write. Too tired to paint. Too tired to think. Luckily there is music. 

So Many Songs I Don't Want To Sing

Finnish Summer

Finnish summer is short compared with winter. Winter lasts for six months. At least. Summer is short as the flutter of a butterfly.

Summer is the first clear blue sky of May. 

Sitting with a friend in the sun, cherishing the incredible feeling of the first moments on summer terraces.

Seeing new places is a thing to do in the summer. To find light is easy. You just follow the sun.

Sea glitters in the sun. You feel the scent of salt, and the thirst for summer grows in you. You must have more of this: light, warmth, the never sleeping sun.

Bonfire salutes summer. Flames caress your skin, and it’s impossible to dream about winter. Summer is so much stronger.

Wild flowers colorize fields. The number of colors is more than one can realize or count. Every color is the color of summer.

Even black.

And snow white.

Summer is visiting places, seeing friends.

Summer is exhibitions.

Summer is searching for the blue sky among the ruins of oneself, the shattered pieces broken by winter.

Summer is galleries and the thrill of finding perfect lines.

Picking berries, eating them. Swimming, sleeping, drinking, reading, laughing with friends. And so much more. Finnish summer. Not yet at the end.

Roses Are Roses Are Roses

Heatwave. Yesterday Finland was the warmest place in Europe. In the whole world, if I remember correctly.

Time for roses.

For those who graduate, those who find summer love, for those who water their plants in the garden.

Roses in bushes. The sweet, warm scent reminds me of childhood. It was always summer, it was always warm, it was the never ending days filled with reading, reading, escaping from this world. I loved those dark pinkish petals. So did bees. Dangerous flowers. 

Helsinki. Ranked to be the best place to live in the world. I agree. I like Helsinki. It's big enough, small enough. In summertime wonderful. Winters I hate anywhere up here in the north.

Heatwave. Also in my brain, so nothing new. Depression is my middle name, anxiety the suburb I live in, emptiness my state of mind.

*

More Than Tired, Less Than Dead

Today:

my hair is dirty,
my nails are beautiful,
my mind is broken,
I'm more than tired, less than dead

Delight

Depression that has been my true friend for over two years, never deserting me, always by my side, has shown signs of fading away. That feels strange. It feels good.

I haven’t felt pleasure for ages. I’ve done things, but that doing hasn’t made happy, there’s been no joy in completing a short story, finishing a painiting.

Yesterday I felt joy. I was happy. No anxiety, no panic. No wanting to escape away from the crowd that surrounded me. No hyperventilation behind the corner.

I had a sales table in a bazar where I sold my handicraft and paintings. Did I sell much? It’s not the point, the main thing is that I survived the fours hours I sat and stood behind my table. I smiled to the customers, I talked with them. And all the time I felt happiness for my ability to be among so many people.

Pride. That’s what I felt.

What happens tomorrow? Shall I turn again into a hermit? Will my heart pound in anxiety, is it hard to breathe? I don’t care. I won’t think about it. There’s no sense in worrying, which is what I’ve leraned during these two and some years. What comes, it comes.

I’m happy now.

I Can't Get No Satisfaction

It’s been a long time since I last made a video. That’s not surprising. It seems like a long time since I created anything.

Depression doesn’t allow me to feel any pleasure. I paint, but there isn’t any joy in doing that. I write, I look at the words. I feel nothing. I sit on the sofa with my crocheting, stare at the TV for hours with busy hands.

It feels all the same.

Well, anyway. I made a primitive animation. See you.

Hush