SusuPetal in English

I've Got The Right To Sing The Blues

2012-01-27T13:07:00.000+02:00

Helsinki Today

2012-01-18T11:55:00.000+02:00

Introducing Baldy And Frizzy

2012-01-06T17:11:00.000+02:00

I've started to draw a new comics, in Finnish, and I've posted these strips in my Finnish blog. Well, then I thought that I could as well translate speech bubbles into English. So, let me introduce you: Baldy and Frizzy. Hope you enjoy their company.

Leaving...

2011-12-31T19:15:00.000+02:00

...sadness, madness, depression, regression?

Maybe not.

But the old year, well, I'm leaving it.

Light, Joy and Inspiration For You All!

Happy Holidays!

2011-12-26T14:05:00.000+02:00

Peace and love and understanding!

yours truly

A Beautiful Song

2011-12-07T16:34:00.000+02:00

Ken Keatley sent me a video response to my autumn animation, a beautiful song, a beautiful voice. Please, enjoy.

My old animation:

Ken's song

It's Time

2011-12-01T11:31:00.000+02:00

for Christmas Calendars! You'll find mine here!

Who Wouldn't Feel Crazy From Time To Time?

2011-11-17T12:23:00.000+02:00

Let's all feel a bit crazy today!

And tomorrow, too!

November

2011-11-04T19:02:00.000+02:00

We've had warm, sunny days. It's hard to believe it's November. Last year it was like THIS.

I like this November so much better.

Susu's Petals

2011-10-07T15:07:00.000+03:00

To remember the colors, to maintain the light of summer deep down inside me. That’s important in surviving, untill the new spring finally comes to existence.

I’ve started a new category in my photo blog. Please, warm yourself with Susu’sPetals.

I'm Tired Of Living And Scared Of Dying

2011-09-15T20:06:00.000+03:00

Too tired to write. Too tired to paint. Too tired to think. Luckily there is music.

So Many Songs I Don't Want To Sing

2011-09-05T19:57:00.000+03:00

Birth Of A Painting

2011-08-23T09:01:00.000+03:00

please, look here!

Finnish Summer

2011-08-07T20:32:00.000+03:00

Finnish summer is short compared with winter. Winter lasts for six months. At least. Summer is short as the flutter of a butterfly.

Summer is the first clear blue sky of May.

Sitting with a friend in the sun, cherishing the incredible feeling of the first moments on summer terraces.

Seeing new places is a thing to do in the summer. To find light is easy. You just follow the sun.

Sea glitters in the sun. You feel the scent of salt, and the thirst for summer grows in you. You must have more of this: light, warmth, the never sleeping sun.

Bonfire salutes summer. Flames caress your skin, and it’s impossible to dream about winter. Summer is so much stronger.

Wild flowers colorize fields. The number of colors is more than one can realize or count. Every color is the color of summer.

Even black.

And snow white.

Summer is visiting places, seeing friends.

Summer is exhibitions.

Summer is searching for the blue sky among the ruins of oneself, the shattered pieces broken by winter.

Summer is galleries and the thrill of finding perfect lines.

Picking berries, eating them. Swimming, sleeping, drinking, reading, laughing with friends. And so much more. Finnish summer. Not yet at the end.

My Finnish Bikini

2011-07-19T20:04:00.000+03:00

Mick longed to see my Finnish bikini writing his comment, so to ease his pain, here is Middle Morbid in her brand new bikini designed by me.

What do you think -should I make postcards of my design bikini and sell cards to tourists ;)

Summertime

2011-07-04T18:39:00.000+03:00

Roses Are Roses Are Roses

2011-06-11T18:52:00.001+03:00

Heatwave. Yesterday Finland was the warmest place in Europe. In the whole world, if I remember correctly.

Time for roses.

For those who graduate, those who find summer love, for those who water their plants in the garden.

Roses in bushes. The sweet, warm scent reminds me of childhood. It was always summer, it was always warm, it was the never ending days filled with reading, reading, escaping from this world. I loved those dark pinkish petals. So did bees. Dangerous flowers.

Helsinki. Ranked to be the best place to live in the world. I agree. I like Helsinki. It's big enough, small enough. In summertime wonderful. Winters I hate anywhere up here in the north.

Heatwave. Also in my brain, so nothing new. Depression is my middle name, anxiety the suburb I live in, emptiness my state of mind.

More Than Tired, Less Than Dead

2011-05-17T10:50:00.000+03:00

Today:

my hair is dirty,
my nails are beautiful,
my mind is broken,
I'm more than tired, less than dead

Kiasma -beautiful in my eyes

2011-04-30T11:31:00.002+03:00

I love to visit Kiasma, The Museum of Contempary Art in Helsinki. What exhibition there is going on doesn’t matter (now there is ARS 11).

I visit the building because of its maginificent architecture by Steven Holl.

The outside og the building is nice to look at, but above all I love the inside of the museum.

Light and shadows in exhibition halls and especially in corridors and stairs thrill me.

The lines and angles of ceilings and walls are relaxing, beautiful and inspiring, just to look at or to take photos.

I took some photos visiting there yesterday with my friend.

Hope you enjoy these photos.

Click at the photos to see them in full size.

Delight

2011-04-10T10:36:00.000+03:00

Depression that has been my true friend for over two years, never deserting me, always by my side, has shown signs of fading away. That feels strange. It feels good.

I haven’t felt pleasure for ages. I’ve done things, but that doing hasn’t made happy, there’s been no joy in completing a short story, finishing a painiting.

Yesterday I felt joy. I was happy. No anxiety, no panic. No wanting to escape away from the crowd that surrounded me. No hyperventilation behind the corner.

I had a sales table in a bazar where I sold my handicraft and paintings. Did I sell much? It’s not the point, the main thing is that I survived the fours hours I sat and stood behind my table. I smiled to the customers, I talked with them. And all the time I felt happiness for my ability to be among so many people.

Pride. That’s what I felt.

What happens tomorrow? Shall I turn again into a hermit? Will my heart pound in anxiety, is it hard to breathe? I don’t care. I won’t think about it. There’s no sense in worrying, which is what I’ve leraned during these two and some years. What comes, it comes.

I’m happy now.

The End Of March

2011-03-30T19:30:00.000+03:00

Want to take a ride?

Just a minute!

Look at the neighbors!

So cozy and charming!

Spring? Oh no, Helsinki looked like this today. Wednesday March 30.

Patience...

I Dressed Up Just For You!

2011-03-20T13:02:00.000+02:00

My blogger friend Mick celebrates his birthday 22.3.2011.

(better too early than to totally forget...)

I Can't Get No Satisfaction

2011-03-13T12:57:00.000+02:00

It’s been a long time since I last made a video. That’s not surprising. It seems like a long time since I created anything.

Depression doesn’t allow me to feel any pleasure. I paint, but there isn’t any joy in doing that. I write, I look at the words. I feel nothing. I sit on the sofa with my crocheting, stare at the TV for hours with busy hands.

It feels all the same.

Well, anyway. I made a primitive animation. See you.

Women Are Like Good Food

2011-03-08T16:29:00.000+02:00

Women are delicious,

so is food.

Women are spicy,

so is food.

Women are hot,

so is food.

I am a woman,

and so are you!

Have a delicious International Women's Day!

Snow, snow, cold, cold

2011-02-20T21:51:00.001+02:00

This winter has already lasted for four months.
This winter Helsinki has been the snowiest place in Finland for weeks.
This winter the temperature sank to -29 C in Helsinki and -41 C in northern of Finland.
This winter seems to go on also for the next week.

At the moment it is -21 C.

I'm tired of winter.

Hush

2011-01-26T23:10:00.000+02:00

Me Seeing The Summer After Having A Few Scotchs

2011-01-11T20:24:00.000+02:00

I haven’t been complaining about winter, have you noticed? Of course I have posted photos about Helsinki when it was the snowiest place in Finland.

Then came the rain and now Helsinki is the wettest place in Finland. Don’t you believe? Oh, it’s true. Finland used to be the land of thousands lakes.

Now it is the land of thousands and one lakes.

Walking in slush hig up to your knees is an experience quite soaking. Being car washed with icy mud is said to be good for your complexion, but I’m not quite sure about that. The one who said it must have been dozing on a beach, having some warm, white sand on the face, sipping occasionally cool drinks with ice, lots of ice.

Tomorrow the temperature is going down, down, and you know what that means. One has to have skates to be able to move outdoors.

Maybe I shall stay in and have some scotch.

Neat.

Let There Be

2010-12-31T11:08:00.000+02:00

Let there be light.

Let there be shadows.

Let there be colors.

Let there be invisible brushes

to paint the becoming year

with joy and laughter.

Happy New Year To All My Friends.

SusuPetal

Peace On Earth

2010-12-23T20:53:00.000+02:00

Take care of yourself,

the ones you love and those who need your love.

Merry Christmas.

SusuPetal

Should I Move To Lapland?

2010-12-07T17:15:00.000+02:00

At the moment Helsinki is the snowiest place in Finland!!!

Christmas Calendar

2010-12-02T12:54:00.000+02:00

My Helsinki Christmas Calendar can be found at SusuPetal Photo Gallery.

Come along!!

November Indeed, Say No More

2010-11-24T09:55:00.000+02:00

Miss Moonlight

2010-10-31T13:05:00.000+02:00

Miss Moonlight

I’ve been painting a lot lately, less writing. While painting I don’t have to think about anything else than the next stroke of the brush, colors I’ll use.

It’s relaxing. I’m at ease when I paint. No anxiety, no nothing in my head. That’s a blessing.

Mixed media is something new I’ve tried to do. I have no clue how to work properly, I only put layers of tissue on the canvas, use pearls and buttons, sprays from different bottles, acrylics, glue, nail polish, everything I find.

It’s fun.

I’m a beginner with mixed media, so please, look at SuviAnniinas work. She’s amazing and she’s a friend of mine.

Hospital Diary

2010-09-30T13:50:00.002+03:00

My latest book has come out. It’s self-published like the earlier ones. The book is called Hospital Diary –texts and images from the closed ward.

Now I think I lay down and do nothing for a while. Some paintings are on their way, but I’m empty of textes.

If you’re interested in purchasing the book, you can get it via net.

It’s in Finnish, of course, but the images are internationally understood.

Here again

2010-09-18T13:11:00.001+03:00

I've been away from Blogosphere for some time, for various reasons. Maybe some day I'll tell about those reasons. Not now.

There haven’t been comments from me to you in your blogs. Maybe I surf along and look what you’re up to. If I have strength enough. I don’t know how long I will stay here this time. Must think about that. And while thinking, I’ll listen to Tom Waits.

Take care of yourself. I’ll think about you.

Billnäs

2010-08-05T12:25:00.000+03:00

"Old industry milieu founded in 1641, Billnäs Ironworks in Raasepori is a centre of various events.

Billnäs Ironworks hosts different kind of events such as public events, corporate events and meetings. In addition to restaurants and cafes also accommodation services are being developed in the area in the near future.

Billnäs Ironworks is a part of the national landscape of Finland. The traditional buildings and the beautiful view to river Mustio offer a unique setting for both small and larger events. "

Quote from here.

I spent a day in Billnäs with my friend (check her fabulous photos!) and made a video of our visit. Hope you enjoy watching it!

Nail Jewellery

2010-07-24T21:54:00.006+03:00

Been painting my nails today.
Snails, lizards and puppy dog tails.
Purple, green and black as sin.
The nails kept dancing, dancing in the wind.

Bracelets

2010-07-16T11:28:00.000+03:00

The heat wave is tender on the skin. I enjoy summer. The sun lightens a little the darkness inside me.

I’ve found my hands this year. Before, I used my hands to write and draw with computer, but at the beginning of the year I started to paint and crochet. I painted and painted and I still do. I’ve made so many pictures that I could fill a medium sized gallery with my work.

And that I have done.

I’ve crocheted hats and scarfs and gloves and everything, made hair bands and wreaths. When it became too warm to have wool and cotton in my lap, I started to make bracelets. I use wooden pearls, in bright colors, also black and white. Glass pearls in shade of turqoise sea.

Colors are good therapy.

Like my hats, hair bands and wreaths, my bracelets are now for sale at Harakan Taivas is Helsinki.

So Not Me

2010-07-03T14:12:00.002+03:00

I changed the template of this blog. Flowers are so not me, so it was an easy pick. I long to be not me.
I got my nails painted. Not like me. Usually my fingers are stained with paint, now the finger nails glitter in red, black and plum.

My hair color is turning into something quite interesting. My hairdresser has been having fun coloring my hair with blond stripes. Now my hair looks like a mane of a lion: red, brown, golden and a touch of sun. Very vivid.

So not me.

The inside of my head is yet so me.

***

On Wednesday I was in a concert. It was fabulous. Marianne Faithfull sang accompanied by the guitarist Doug Pettibone. After the concert I and many other fans had the opportunity to talk with Marianne and Doug. It was quite bizarre. Me talking with Marianne Faithfull! My lines were not that cool: Ms Faithfull, the concert was great, a dream come true, absolutely magnificent.

Well, what else could one say?

She is amazing.

So not me.

This Post Could Use A Photo But I'm Too Lazy To Find One

2010-06-18T18:21:00.001+03:00

Life is football (soccer for you Americans) nowadays. Three games a day. That’s not much. There are still plenty of hours in a day.

To sleep.

They say summer is here. I can see the green grass, violet lupines, and golden don’t-know-whats. It’s not snowing.

Good.

I do hate snow. You do remember it.

The spring came over nigth, stayed for a day and then there was summer. I sat inside, pain in my back, unable to walk. Heard how people marvelled the sudden summer.

I couldn’t care less. I just wanted to kill somebody.

My pain, for example.

Depression gave space to pain. Please, do come in, depression said. We have plenty of room in this vast emptiness of this creature which she calls her body and soul.

Together they had fun.

To kill the pain I went to the hospital and had an operation. I tried to tell the surgeon also to cut off my depression, but he thought I was hallucinating.

I was dead serious.

Now the hurt and ache are gone. Violet lupines start to dry away. My depression needs no watering. It’s a surviver, a fighter.

And summer. It rolls along like the football on green grasses way down south.

A Little Pause

2010-06-02T20:47:00.006+03:00

I'm recovering from a back operation.

See you soon.

Variations

2010-05-22T18:26:00.001+03:00

Empty Glasses

2010-05-12T20:12:00.000+03:00

Do you look at world through glasses of green as grass, red as wine, blue as the sky? Or do you merely see your own reflection in the bottom of the empty glass?

Grey as yesterdays gone by.

Pain

2010-05-04T10:38:00.001+03:00

Days are long. Nights even longer. I try to fill the painful hours with snooker on the TV. I paint a lot, slow movements of the brush, every drop of paint is a sign of pain.

Sciatica. Three weeks, each day getting worse. Last week I could walk a hundred meters, yesteraday ten. Weekly visits to the doctor with taxi, it’s impossible to use the bus.

Still strength in the muscles. Not yet time for operation. Maybe time heals.

I hope so.

The nerve ache stretches my leg funnily. I look at my leg, tell it to carry me to the toilet. It isn’t so co-operative.

Hasty minutes at the computer. A few words. A glimpse at other people’s blogs. Then the pain gets me going again. Limping around the rooms. Sitting after five steps. Trying to find a position to sleep for some moments.

Wondering should I call the ambulance now. Is the pain horrible enough? It is, but I don’t dial emergency. I want to stay home. I want to paint, to crochet, to forget the pain. In a hospital bed I’d have too much time to think.

Thinking makes pain worse.

Emptying My Head

2010-04-16T18:27:00.001+03:00

Besides painting, crocheting gives the opportunity to experience colors. Maybe it was my crave for colors that led me to look for my crochet-hook and buy color in cotton, wool and other materials. It was ages I last had done handiwork and my craft has always been quite a poor one.

I didn’t let those things bother me. I started to crochet a scarf, easy enough for me. I finished the scarf rapidly, started another one. And another one. Then I decided to make a shawl. Another one.

At this point I sent my friends soft parcels. Luckily I have a lot of friends.

I bought new colors, enhaled the power of light in wool. Mittens. And the hands of my friends stayed warm.

Crocheting is a way to escape. My head gets empty when I grab the crochet-hook. All the bad thoughts I have, disappear. All my anxiety, my angst, the blackness in me, vanishes. There are only my hands that move. I feel better. Not good, but better.

I crochet like a maniac. Maybe it helps me to lure away the depression.

Well, to save my friends from soft parcels every week, I offered my hats for sale. I’ve been inspired by the 20’s and flapper hats. A lot of feminity in my hats, a lot of nostalgia. A second hand-vintage shop wanted to have my hats. The shop is called Harakan Taivas, and it’s situated in the centre of Helsinki. Along with my hats, they put wreaths done by me also for sale.

I love making wreaths, too. No ordinary, but weird, and I wonder who’ll buy them. Maybe you? And a hat, too?

Meetings

2010-04-06T17:46:00.001+03:00

I’ve been writing very little lately, especially fiction and poems. I’ve craved for something else than words.

Colors.

I’ve been to various art exhibitions and filled myself with colors, textures, tecnics and sensations. It’s good to just look, not to have to talk. Only let pieces of art flow over you.

My art gallery is nowadays the most active of my blogs. I draw a lot, paint a little and sometimes I make a digital picture. I’ve splashed colors on aquarelle paper, loved every moment of it, knowing that result is nothing. Only the process means something to me.

While painting, I’ve met some artists. First there was Picasso. He was surely flirting with me or maybe the target of his glare was the naked woman running around the studio. Don’t know, but he certainly was in a funny mood.

Next I met Andy Warhol. He wanted to make a study of me. I said yes, but didn’t think much of the result. Seen that before. We had some tomato soup, talked about the weather. It was quite nice.

Jackson Pollock’s studio was a colorful mess, and after being there for some time, I was covered with red, blue, black and violet dots. First I thought I’ve got measles, but Jackson assured me that all that is seen is only art. That set my mind at rest, and we continued to sprinkle rainbows on the walls.

Today I had the honour to look at Modigliani in the heat of work. He had a sore throat, so he could only whisper some words. My hearing is not as good as it used to be, so I can’t repeat his words. Didn’t hear a thing. But he smiled nicely and I felt at ease with him.

It’s a miracle to be able to imagine, don’t you think so, too?

(All these drawings have been displayed also at SusuPetal art gallery.)

Sunny Spring!

2010-04-02T11:46:00.006+03:00

Happy Birthday, Mick!

2010-03-21T12:12:00.001+02:00

Instead of being late, I’m early!

Happy Birthday Mick!

High Society

2010-03-16T13:43:00.000+02:00

my dear, susu.petal

be the best

join high society

stand out of the rest

5^th avenue at your fingertips

luxury watches

top brands

high quality materials

am I wrong about you?

Do You?

2010-03-07T14:15:00.003+02:00

Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

tell me, please,

tell me all.

Do you like what you see?

No, I don’t.

I see me.

Awakenings, please

2010-02-20T12:14:00.002+02:00

This winter seems to never end. I remember this season started in November and since, there’s been only snow and snow and snow and the ever freezing coldness. Right now the temperature is -19 degrees Celsius ( -2 F ) and the east wind is awful. No possibilities to go out.

Which is good.

I like to stay inside, feel warm and when getting sleepy, go to bed and dream of sun and warmth, hoping that spring some day arrives. I also dream of waking to life.

Life Goes On

2010-02-05T21:38:00.000+02:00

There are bad days. And then there are worse days. Some days, maybe luckily, are nonchalant. This is such an indifferent day, so I decided to write a little.

On bad days there’s no desire for writing. I’m tired of writing about anxiety and depression that hold their grip. It’s boring to read about those feelings over and over again. I’ve written about that pair too often.

Life goes on, still. Not much words. Instead paintings. Done by hand. It feels good to take a crayon and draw a line. It feels almost satisfying to drop a paint-brush into water or oil color and look at the canvas turn into color.

It’s almost bedtime. The best time of the day. Despite the nightmares.

Sleep tight.

Not here

2010-01-16T18:52:00.001+02:00

but here,

for the most of

my blogging time.

Words flew away,

no stories, no poems.

Paintings.

By hand.

Oh, I've forgotten

2010-01-03T18:59:00.001+02:00

to wish you all a happy new year. No, that’s not true. I did notice that new year arrived, I’ve just been too tired to write greetings into my blogs. I’ve also been too drained to commentate in your blogs.

I won’t promise I’ll get perkier. I don’t believe in such promises, but I do wish you a happy new year.

Drug Spam Poem

2009-12-25T19:41:00.003+02:00

valued customer susu.petal

purchase:

hydrocodone

codeine

phentermin

high quality

STOP YOUR PAIN

drugs online!

discount online pharmacy!

the truth about you

user susu.petal

Peaceful Christmas

2009-12-20T13:45:00.003+02:00

Take care of yourself and the ones you love.

Have a peaceful Christmas.

Please,

2009-12-14T17:19:00.003+02:00

step right into the picture.

Christmas Colors

2009-12-08T22:33:00.001+02:00

Just wanted colors today.

Please, dress me!!!

2009-12-03T09:20:00.004+02:00

Mick, that fabulous and inspirational artist, gave me a marvelous idea! He commented on my new book’s video, saying that the figure (who is not me!) wasn’t dressed for winter.

This made me start a project –Top Fashion Design, even with paint- in my Finnish main blog. I have asked the readers to download the picture of Middle Morbid (my English name for her) and design gorgeous, plain or whatever clothes on that poor, shivering thing using whatever tools and programs.

If my English readers wish to participate in this project, please do! Download and dress Middle Morbid with your own style, let your imagination flow and post into your blog your unique fashion style with a few lines about the story behind the outfit, or you can send the work to me. I intend to make a collage or a video about the outfits, so I ask for your permission to use your work.

I’m going to draw lots after dead line of this project, and one lucky fashion designer shall get a small award from me.

The dead line is on Saturday 12.12. 11.59 PM in Finnish time.

We Made It Through November!

2009-12-01T11:04:00.003+02:00

The appalling, horrific and mean November is over. The weather is still rain, rain, rain, but it’s December and after December comes January and then February, March and then it’s April and spring!

Well, that sounded a little bit too optimistic coming from me. Damn, still many months until spring breezes chase the grey skies away.

I survived November thanks to the project Lepis started, do visit the fine Gallery Selätys and be inspired and amazed of the work Finnish bloggers have made together.

BLOGitse, a Finnish woman living in Cairo, Egypt, helped me through November with her inspirational and creative peas. Check them and be delighted! She writes in English.

My own project was to finish my comic book, it’s done. I made an ad for it (not to be shown on TV, it’s too expensive, but just for my own joy).

The first of December opened my Christmas Calendar here.

Towards spring with all our might!

Meet My New Book

2009-11-24T19:36:00.004+02:00

Meet my new book: it’s called Keskiäkäisiä hajatelmia which is impossible to translate into English. But I’ll tell you what you’ll find in the book.

The book contains comics, poems and stories about a woman, who has reached a certain point in her life. She’s not so young anymore, she’s more likely to be hit by lumbago than by the arrow of Amor, and she’s reached the age when she wants desperately to have a seat in the bus. She wonders about her life, the new facts days bring along, and she’s anxious to know why the seats in bars are so high nowadays. She remembers the days when she had ten drinks in the evening and two aspirins the next day, and can’t figure how it is nowadays two drinks and ten aspirins.

It was fun doing this book. I published it myself, like my earlier books, with the help of BoD.

Selfportrait: Fooling Around In A Black Dress

2009-11-21T19:53:00.007+02:00

Welcome To The Grand Opening Of Galleria Selätys

2009-11-14T15:00:00.000+02:00

Galleria Selätys was opened in November 2009. Lepis invited co-bloggers to join into a project called How to Survive November. In the project, bloggers were to choose a photo of their own, which then was to circle through all the other bloggers who participated the project, each putting one’s own touch to the photo. Thus the original photos were manipulated by many bloggers.

The results of this interactive project are now to be seen at Galleria Selätys.

Welcome!

And suddenly there was light

2009-11-11T19:20:00.002+02:00

I went out today. In the morning.

For real.

The sun was climbing slowly, sleepily, deciding finally to settle low. The sky became blue. It was amazing.

I don’t remember when was the last time I saw light. The sky has been grey for weeks.

Or so it seems.

When I returned home, the weak hug of sun had begun to melt the powdery snow on the branches.

Now the trees are bare, the sky has gathered clouds of every shade of grey and black, and the sheltering shield is hanging once again over me.

Darkness.

Variations

2009-11-08T17:58:00.005+02:00

Helsinki In The Afternoon. Today.

2009-11-05T15:59:00.004+02:00

One photo does indeed tell more than thousand bitter words.

Confused?

2009-10-30T19:13:00.005+02:00

Confused?

Afraid of being caught sleepy?

You’re not the only one.

Fight way through zombies.

Looking good doesn’t have to bankrupt you.

Cheap.

Will you consider this?

Plz, answer this.

Be satisfied.

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

2009-10-25T21:24:00.001+02:00

dear susupetal

hello

wanna win a million?

be a player, be a winner

pay for real, win for real

your royal bonus is waiting

contact

confirm

***

The poem is pieced together from the titles of spam coming to my mail.

Perfect Voice

2009-10-21T18:27:00.002+03:00

There are voices that are just perfect.

William Wordsworth's Daffodils read by Jeremy Irons

Comics

2009-10-16T11:46:00.003+03:00

The weekly theme for the Finnish PoemThursday was to write a love poem without the word love. I made a poem without words, and since the poem can be read in any language, I publish it also in this blog.

I like to draw comic strips. I’m not a skilled drawer, but that doesn’t matter, I’ll draw anyhow. In my Finnish main blog you can find the category comics. Most of the comics are about this rather middle-aged woman who just doesn’t get some things. She’s figuring for instance how it is possible that in the old days it used to be ten drinks during the night and two aspirins in the morning, and nowadays it’s two drinks a night and ten aspirins the next day. Stuff like that.

Have a nice weekend!

Snowflakes

2009-10-12T18:48:00.002+03:00

First snow,

it came with the cold north wind.

Grey clouds melted into water,

water became snowflakes.

Earth is still black.

Snowflakes vanished to the drains.

Puddles full of yellow leaves,

boats sailing to the south.

Spam Poetry

2009-10-07T20:14:00.005+03:00

Hey.

lol guess what.

Post-holiday brand items to sell.

Order your rep Rolex submariner now.

TOP SELLING WATCHES!

New Blizzard’s Masterpiece!

Absolutely 100 % customer satisfaction.

Pay less to get more.

***

The poem is pieced together from the titles of spam coming to my mail.

First Snow In Lapland

2009-09-28T18:48:00.002+03:00

Bottle

2009-09-24T13:02:00.002+03:00

The weekly theme for Thursday Challenge is bottle.

Fresh

2009-09-17T16:55:00.001+03:00

The weekly theme for Thursday Challenge is fresh

Depression

2009-09-08T15:19:00.006+03:00

It’s easier to write about depression in English than in Finnish. Maybe it has something to do with the realization that, despite all these decades, I’m not still ready to accept depression as a part of my nature, a big piece of my life. Writing in English helps me to look at depression as an interesting phenomenon, not as a part of me.

Well, I’m content to write about depression in any language. A few months ago I couldn’t have written anything about it.

Depression isn’t sadness. It isn’t gloominess. It has nothing to do with unhappiness. Depression isn’t a mood you’re in. You can feel yourself gloomy and sad, but you can get out of those moods. Maybe it takes some days, even weeks, but eventually you can shake off the unpleasant mood.

Depression can’t be shaken away like the blues. Depression hangs onto you with grey claws. Depression doesn’t wake you up in the morning; it forces you to sleep hour after hour, it makes your limbs weak and slow. If you manage to get rid of the sleep for some hours, you sit in a chair doing nothing. You see all those books on the shelves, but you can’t read anything. Your ability to concentrate is nil. You can’t listen to music, melodies are vague and unclear, words of songs are incomprehensible. The chat of people is as understandable. If you hear their words, it takes less than a second to forget what they said. It’s as though the place where your brain used to be, had been totally emptied and filled with black, thick cushions which muffle the world outside yourself. You can see there are movement, light, voices and happenings around you, but none of that touches you. You’re isolated, totally alone in yourself.

You want nobody near you. No one brings a smile on your face. A hug from your child feels nothing. You aren’t able to sense the caress of the person you love. You are fading away, and at the same time you’re afraid to be left alone. The presence of other people reassures you of still being alive.

Being dead is the state of your mind when you are depressed. Dead people don’t have to wash themselves, there’s no need for clean clothes. Ghosts don’t eat, so you have no appetite. You drift from day to day, and as long there’s only the depression, you can lull in that thick mat of cushions of your mind.

Until anxiety comes to visit you, and your lack of feelings turn into fear, horror, panic and a desperate need to put an end to everything.

(But this is no writing about anxiety. Maybe I’ll write about it some other time.)

The photo is a manipulated version of the original here.

A Sore Throat

2009-09-02T17:59:00.000+03:00

My Homepages

2009-08-24T13:41:00.005+03:00

(photo manipulation made with photofunia)

I’ve been busy making myself homepages. Now the work is done. There’s also a section in English on the pages.

Please, have a look!

Blogpersonalities

2009-08-18T22:17:00.003+03:00

A fellow blogger, Ari, has made a portfolio from my pictures of blogpersonalities I’ve published at SusuPetal ArtGallery.

Thank you Ari, I just love the result!

Check also Ari’s own portfolio!

The Quatation Of Today

2009-08-09T16:23:00.003+03:00

"...I don't like you. I don't like the syphilic whore you were born out of, I don't like being down here in a rat-infested foreign country when I coul be at home with my family. I do like inflicting pain on criminals, so you had better answer my questions truthfully, or I'll hurt you bad."

James Ellroy: The Black Dahlia

Getting To Paradise

2009-08-02T20:45:00.002+03:00

Getting to paradise

there had to be lies,

closing of eyes.

The dice was shot

and sure, I got

the ticket to paradise.

Still paying the price.

Hot

2009-07-24T19:12:00.001+03:00

The weekly theme for Thursday Challenge is hot.

Don't talk to me about the blues

2009-07-12T21:44:00.004+03:00

It’s funny, how all of the sudden it hits you. The sky is clear blue, the sun is warm, full and shiny, you feel the heat on your skin and you close your eyes.

It’s a mistake. The shade behind your eyelids turns into pitch-dark, and your vision becomes black.

No, it’s not funny, I had it wrong. It’s sad, the unexpectedly gripping moment of anguish. The flood of anxiety crashing over you. It’s horrible, and it makes you think how thin the line is, just a mere stripe that hinds you from falling down and drowning. Beneath. Under of this everything.

The feeling of being safe is just an illusion. You are not safe with depression. Never. Never.

Don’t tell to me about the blues, blues is only music.

Childhood

2009-07-04T19:04:00.003+03:00

When I was little, we used to spend some time of those long, hot summers of childhood in Hanko. We made daytrips to the beaches of this southern town, and occasionally we lived in some villa. Hanko is famous for its villas, some private, and some turned into boarding houses for the summer people who invade this otherwise sleepy town.

I remember the sunny days, the beaches of golden and hot sand, the ice cold water in the beginning of June turning into a sea of hotness when reaching August. The taste of strawberries with whipped cream, the softness of the cup of hot chocolate in the morning.

Tender times to reminisce when you’re growing old.

Cleaning

2009-06-23T12:43:00.003+03:00

I’ve been cleaning today, vacuuming, washing, and dusting the grey surfaces. It’s a bore, but it has to be done. Cleaning is quite useless. You do it once and after few days you could do it again. It’s a never ending task. A project that won’t just be finished. Ever.

Although I like the process of making art often more than the final result, the same doesn’t go with cleaning. I like the result much better, and I hope not to start it all over again after some time.

The one, who gives me tools to make cleaning a work of art, shall be highly thanked and blessed. Any suggestions?

It's out

2009-06-16T10:35:00.000+03:00

and I'm off for a couple of days.

Old

2009-06-11T19:21:00.003+03:00

The weekly theme for Thursday Challenge is old.

Morganism(i)

2009-06-05T18:58:00.002+03:00

My fellow blogger Lepis (check out her marvellous macro photos!) offered me a ride and we drove to Sysmä for a couple of weeks ago. In Sysmä we stayed at a local blogger’s house, and celebrated also the publishing of this blogger’s, Morgan’s, new book.

Morgan has a place called Morganismi. It’s a magical place with art among the trees, all kind of fun stuff here and there, touching moments in th shades of the bushes. A place worth visiting, if you happen to be near Sysmä. The summer opening for the exhibition is next weekend.

I took a lot of photos there and made a video about the place. Hope you enjoy peeking at Finnish do-yourself-art! I did.

White Houses

2009-05-30T12:15:00.003+03:00

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been busy finishing the manuscript of my novel. I’m going to, like the other two, self-publish the novel at Books on Demand.

It’s tedious to rewrite old text, I’ve been bored to death. I don’t like to read my old texts, they are familiar, and there’s nothing surprising in them. Boring, boring, boring, but now I’ve done it.

I had this manuscript, but no name for the novel, so I arranged a query in my main Finnish blog and asked the readers to come up with a name. They gave plenty of suggestions, and the name was found.

Having got the name, I made some sketches for the book cover, and made a poll.

Doing all this, has left me very little time to visit your blogs, less leaving comments. Sorry about that.

The novel’s name is Valkoiset talot, White Houses, and it’s a story about four white houses and their residents. There’s going to be a lot of misery, hope, love, every day life in the book. It’s a novel about us, here and now.

Hopefully, the novel sees daylight in June.

On The Bus

2009-05-17T19:59:00.006+03:00

picture by Mick Mather

***

Buses are the worst. At first, everything is alright, you step aboard, pay your fare and sit down. The driver starts the engine, your eyes seek for the familiar landscape through the window. Forests and meadows melt into a swirling ribbon, blue, green, occasional sunny, yellow spots. The ribbon unwinds when the bus rolls to a stop, the doors sling open, new passengers mount to the bus.

The journey continues and suddenly you hear the change. Voices of people mumbling to their mobiles get sharper, words come closer, but you can’t hear what is said, you don’t recognize the words. The air is filled with sharp mutter. The ribbon behind the window turns muddy, the window becomes a glass wall, it falls on you, and you’ll be imprisoned into the transparent material.

The bus moves faster. You dare not look at the driver, you’re afraid he’s having a seizure, maybe he’s drunk. He drives more rapidly and you tremble in your glass cube, there’s no air. You struggle for breath, you want to get out, but you’re not able to lift your hand and push the stop button. You can’t move your body. Not before the bus stops for the next time, the doors open, and you feel the cool breeze pulling you out of the bus.

Your feet are shaking. There’s no bench by the bus stop, you’d like to sit on the ground, but you know there’s no way of getting up if you’d do so. You hold on to the pillar of the bus shelter, you lean your forehead and feel the jagged, cold surface, and you try to remember how to breathe.

***

I wrote this short story first in Finnish and published it in my Finnish blog earlier this week, and on the same day Mick published in his blog the pic you see above. I asked for and got the permission to use Mick's beautiful picture to illustrate my story which I translated into English. Mick's work suited the feelings of my story more than perfect. Thank you, Mick.

Big

2009-05-14T12:44:00.003+03:00

The weekly theme for Thursday Challenge is big

To Be A Mother

2009-05-10T23:17:00.002+03:00

Hvitträsk

2009-05-02T12:35:00.001+03:00

The Sky

2009-04-24T20:04:00.002+03:00

One day she noticed the sky was blue. It happened quite suddenly, she was pushing the wheel chair up a very steep street, she was sweating and panting. She heard the beat of her heart in her ears, bum, bum, bum the heart drummed in frenzy.

-Are you angry? You don’t say anything.

-No, I’m hot, she said. -It’s heavy to push uphill.

-It’s the sun. It makes you warm.

Finally they reached the top of the street, and she stopped to take a breath. She put the wheel chair’s brakes on, closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, se saw the blue sky. It was amazingly clear, almost like a blue shelter arching way up high. She felt dizzy, and she grasped the handles of the wheel chair.

-What is it? Are you all right?

-I’m fine, she answered. –I’m just so happy to see the blue sky. So, so happy.

The winter had been long.

Hunger

2009-04-17T22:11:00.002+03:00

It happens every spring: I crave for colour. I need colour, I must create colour.

The days for the black and white are gone. For a while, because I know that period will come back, as surely as this colour inspiration overwhelms me every spring.

I’ve been a little lazy in taking photos. Instead I’ve wanted to make paintings, digital of course, because I have no patience for work that demands a long time. I have to be ready fast, I have no nerves to stay at one piece for a long time.

The urge, the hunger for colours, made me start the new blog. It’s my seventh…no, eighth, no, NINTH blog. Oh. Exaggerating? No. Every blog has it own function.

At least for me.

Welcome

2009-04-13T19:09:00.001+03:00

to my newest

blog

Happy Easter!

2009-04-09T19:36:00.002+03:00

Easier

2009-04-06T20:04:00.005+03:00

Spring is easier.

Light wakes up in the morning. It may be grey light, but nevertheless, it’s light.

Rain washes the sandy pavements, floods rinse small stones into the gutters.

Pushing the wheelchair is almost like a dance when there’s no snow and ice.

Feet won’t slip and slide.

No weighty loads on the back, getting rid of the heavy winter coat. Balls and chains loosen.

Hands aren’t freezing, the grip is only cold.

Tears don’t compose an icy sonata of pearls on the cheek.

Spring is easier in many ways.

Easier. Not easy.

What Is This?

2009-04-03T18:36:00.004+03:00

What

is this?

This awakening,

the warmth in my

limbs, the throbbing joy

in the branches of a tree

turning green. Winter sleep

is over, leaves are pushing

their way towards

the sun.

What

this?

spring? Spring.

Black and White

2009-03-30T18:15:00.001+03:00

The weekly theme for Moody Monday is black and white